Love in the age of doordarshan

Today when I entered my class I saw a new face. She was anxious and nervous. I take my usual seat with my best friend Pradeep. I ask him " Oye Pradeep who's the new face/" " Don't know .If you are so interested go and ask her." Pradeep quipped. 

Mumbling a few curses to Pradeep I go to her. I was the class monitor so I had to know whats happening in the class. After all in class 3 the monitor is the king of the class. I go and ask Tanya " Oye do you know her" As usual I expected a yes from her but she nodded otherwise. I took a deep sigh and went up to her. "Hi, I am Partha , The class monitor of class 3 A. I haven't seen you earlier" "She replied " Hello, I am Shreyoshi Dutta, I just joined the school" "Welcome Shreyoshi, Why are you standing? Have a seat" I take her to a empty bench and ask her " By name you sound to be a Bengali. So are you " Before I could complete my sentence she chipped in " Yes Indeed. You also look like a bengali" "Yes Indeed I am" Happy to have found a bengali in the class. The bell rang and the class teacher came in. I as a responsible class monitor introduced her to ma'am.

During the recess I found that my other classmates were troubling her. It was quite common when a new person came we used to trouble them a lot for the forst week. But I couldn't see a fellow 'bong' being troubled. I stepped in and stopped the whole scene. After everyone left she had tears in her eyes. I asjed " Ki hoya? Why are you crying? This happens. They will all trouble you but within a week they will become your best friends" She replied" They were teasing me about not being able to speak proper english or hindi. I have come from Calcutta so i speak only broken hindi and decent english" Hearing that I started Laughing. On seeing me laugh the tears whoch were just hovering around the eyes started flowing as if I just broke a dam. "Arrey ,Kano kandcho? (Why are you crying?) I was just trying to make it sound funny. Even when I joined I hardly knew anything. " I had a bar one chocolate with me which I gave to her. Instantly her eyes lit up and she started eating it. But it was hot summer day and the chocolate had melted a lil but she opened the pack and suddenly all her fingers were covered with chocolate. She looked at me and I said " Go ahead lick it clean. No one will see you".

The next day again during the recess I was sitting with Shreyoshi when Pradeep and Tanya came up. They said in unison " Partha you know how we treat newcomers. Just because she has become your friend doesn't mean we change rules for her." I explained to the that she's not confident communicating in English and Hindi that why she's scared. Pradeep being a smarty suddenly said " Ok we won't trouble her if she answers one question. You can translate it to her if she wants" I was like" Ok gO Ahead" " What is the meaning of 'Junoon' "  Wow! Where did that come from? Even I didn't know the meaning of the word? " Pradeep, Yaar which is this word I have never heard it" I suddenly feel a slight tap on my shoulder and see Shreyoshi standing. She says " Partha I can answer that" She comes to the front and says" Junoon means craze. passion, obessesion to do something, achieve something or get something" When she was saying that I fell in love for the first time in my life. I was spellbound by the way she was defining the word. It all sounded like poetry to me. She looked towards me and gave me smile and my heart stopped. I went home in a daze that day.

I had become a very good friend of shreyoshi within a week of her joining school. I fell in love with her but didn't know what it means. Only seen some movies which said stuff about love etc. Wasn't I too young to fall in love. After school got over I was walking with her to our quarters. We lived just a few blocks apart and I used to walk her to her house. I had a ruppee with me and decide to surprise her. I bought 2 ice candies and gave one to her. She was so happy and gave ne a hug " Oh Partha You are so sweet" And suddenly I realized i was blushing. It was orange candy and our lips became all orange and i dropped some juice on my white shirt too. On seeing me she started laughing. I also joined in " Gawd I was making fun of myself". We used to meet in the evenings after we played and used to feed 2 cats on the campus. The cats used to love us and would know that every evening at 7 they would get some food. I used to catch tadpoles thinking they are fishes and collect them in glass Horlicks jars and give it to her whenever it rained. She used to be so happy on getting the 'fishes'.

The summer Holidays started and she went off to Calcutta. I was home and started writing a letter to her everyday so when she comes back she can read them and it will be like she never left Guwahati. Dad came and announced" I have a Good news. We have been transferred to Delhi. We will make a move before Partha's school reopens so that he joins a new school in Delhi and doesn't miss any course work" I was so happy that we will be going to Delhi, the capital of India. Then it struck me "Shreyoshi? I won't ever meet her again. All the letters which I had written what will happen to them?

I was too little to pack on my own but I still hid the letters in my school bag with the books and one fine day left Guwahati with memories of my never confessed Love.

Do i deserve what I have??

I have had a small but a eventful life till now. I have had the opportunity to have experienced all kinds of life right from extreme poverty to opulent lives. And I am glad what those experiences have taught me.

But there have been times I wonder do I deserve what i have? Not in terms of work because thats one area I believe i have done enough to deserve what I have. I have the potential to get more but then its a story of unfulfilled potential.But what about life? I have been fortunate enough to have been praised by people but I always have been very ill at ease with the compliments. Why? Because I believe I haven't done anything of any significant importance to deserve any praise. When I left my job people said many things about me and I was left wondering the compliments are fine but then what they say as my good things have they done anything to impact someone's life in a positive manner? If no then why the praise? If I haven't done anything on that front then all the praises are hollow and I truly believe that.

I never wanted  to be the Mr good, because I am myself to messed up to help others. I do believe whatever I have done what others ascribe to be 'good work' are infact is what any other person will do. I haven't done anything out of this world. And another grouse I have against people praising me or rather what I believe is nonsense is isn't it said 'That good things happen to good people" then why is it that the so called good guy has nothing when it comes to his life . Yes I have money,food,and lead a good lifestyle but then I always have been unlucky. Not that I believe in fate and luck but at times i become so frustrated that I end up blaming them.

Anyways guys don't praise me because I don't deserve the adulation. The day when I do something of significance I will myself come up and shout from the rooftops asking for the praise.

Musings

When I look back at my little life which I have spent till now I find how lonely I have been. Yes thats what I feel which no one will ever agree. Because I am the guy who does crazy stuff, play the joker, make people happy, party ,roam around with friends ,travel and what not. But then in the crowd I am always alone . If I can call some one whom I can rely on they would be only my parents. I have had many friends been in relationships but none worked out and I wonder why? Was i too much eager? Because I have always given 100% to my relations  but couldn't expect anything out of it. My friends have done things, kept secrets which I should have known but always came to know from others. My friends have done things to me imagined or otherwise which I wouldn't ever do to them. They told me 'dude! Get a life we don't need you. You have fulfilled your utility". Despite this I stuck to them ,helping them, listening to them but when I needed some one I had to go back to my room and sit alone and support myself.

Yes its good that I don't need anyone's support but then I am a human and at times also desire some care from my friends. But I am who I am don't need anyone. I have the curse of loneliness. Whenever I thought I have fallen in love I have managed to screw up my life. Whenever life seems rosy ,my fate twists and the person of my affection just deserts me. What is it in me which attracts people to me but never lets them understand me?

Easy questions but no answers. I am sure by the time I die I'll have my answers till then I'll keep on fighting and making friends and be lonely .

Towards a Boundary free world

Today I came to know one of my friends who had got through to a MS in US of A but the consulate decided to reject her visa not once but twice. Then one of my other friends who during 2 months of a amazing summer became so close to a person so that he wants to kiss her a farewell before he leaves the irish shores to India maybe to never reunite with someone he couldn't have.

Joke apart the problem being an Indian (Actually almost all asians) face is that we need a visa to go just about anywhere on this planet. Why when the so called developed world lectures us about lowering our tariff barriers and opening up our countries for more trade and their capitalists  I wonder what stops them from doing the same ? Why the United States issues a limited number of visas for people willing to take up education or employment? Why do Europeans reject visa applications based on money being earned? Why? Its the foreign universities who come to our country canvassing for more students. When we secure the admissions and are full of hopes the Visa officer rises and rejects the visa. When a employer finds us meritorious for a job but again the visa officer strikes.

Why this hypocrisy in the developed world? Why are they scared of us that we can eat up their jobs? If they are so scared then they should make their population competent enough to beat us to a job and not keep us out because we are better than them? Frankly speaking I am never in favor of discrimination based on anything to do with caste, color or creed but frankly I find the human rights activists silent on the issue.

Open up the Boundaries ,erase the borders and you will find the huge armies being dismantled. Billions of dollars saved and can be diverted to poverty alleviation. When this planet was created without borders who are we, the mere mortals to create borders and deprive us of meeting others. One of my friend who is dying to go to Italy and one whose career hangs by a thin string of hope I pray for both of them that they get what they want and maybe the Politicians sitting in the high chairs take note and not crush such beautiful dreams.

Another Short Story

It's  raining. I sigh and wonder when will the rain end. Its been two days of rains and I am stuck in my house with nowhere to go. This was the weekend I thought I will enjoy the weekend to the fullest. I sip on my mug of coffee looking into the greenery outside. The memories came floating back to me of a rainy day.

It was evening and Delhi had experienced its first rain of the summers. Luckily i listened to my mom and was carrying an umbrella. I am waiting for the traffic light to turn red so that I can cross over to the other side. I see a girl trying vainly to keep herself dry using her hands. I stifle a laugh and politely ask her to get under the umbrella. She is more than happy to do that. The light turns red and we cross and we both enter the metro station and go our ways respectively.

It was a sunday and after a long time I was all alone on the Delhi-jaipur highway on my bullet for company. The urban jungle of Gurgaon gave way to the shrubs of the remnants of aravallis and the desert which lay ahead. The cool breeze (Due to the rains) Made it a pleasurable ride. Suddenly a audi drives by my side. I cannot help but steal a glance at the car. Then I see the the passenger seat rolling down and a faintly familiar face gives a smile and signals me to pull over. I stop my bike and the lady gets down from her car and comes up to me. I am still not able to recognise her. She smiles and asks me "You don't recognise me ? do you?" I am at a loss of words but before I could utter a word she says" I am the girl from the metro station whom you offered to share the umbrella . You already forgot. That day in my hurry I forgot to thank You. I was going to a friends wedding and saw you riding  so..." Her words trailed off. I remember her . " Hi ,I am Biswaroop, Sorry didn't recognise you at the first glance" "its allright, I am not Ms World so that you remember me." She said with a giggle. "So Mr ..." "its Biswaroop" " Yeah its too long I am Garima. So where are you riding too? I love bullets" "Well am going to Jaipur and then will be back. Just that the weather was nice so taking a ride" "Would You mind if I ask for a lift till Jaipur. Please  please " .

I couldn't resist her and agreed to take her . Along the way I realized how talkative she was . She kept on talking and wanted me to teach her ride a bike. We stopped at small places along the way for lassi and some food. I was starting to think I was falling for her. Then as we started riding again it started raining and I wanted to stop but she insisted to ride on. I was driving slowly as we were talking but I didn't see a car coming in the wrong way. The car banged hard against us. Next I remember waking up on the hospital bed . My Dad tells me I had been unconscious for the last 2 days. I frantically look around for her. What was her name I forget. Yes It was Garima. I ask my dad " What happened to Garima?? She was on the bike with me . Where is she?" My dad's face became expressionless. "She died this morning . She was in a coma for 2 days just like you but..." I couldn't stop my tears. This was a girl whom i knew for just a few hours and she was gone. That smile, that voice. that non-stop chatter...all for a few hours? All gone.

The rain stopped . I slowly pushed myself off the bed onto my wheelchair. Time for a evening walk.

Salute To Kejriwal...India Against corruption

As news trickles in that Anna Hazare and Arvind Kejriwal have decided to end the fast at Jantar Mantar.I am glad they took a sensible decision. Mr Kejriwal you deserve a salute.

The question of forming a political party. In one hand I am glad that IAC has decided to become a part of the system and reform it from inside rather than acting as a pressure group. But the same thought scares me. Because being in politics is pretty tough and given the political machinery and vote banks which the political parties rely on have been created over the last 60 years. And the major thing going against the political party is the apathy in voting by the educated people. In the big cities hardly 40% people vote while in rural areas money power ensures 70% turnout easily. 

But its time to set aside all the cynicism  and I hope IAC really makes a difference.